I'm the lie you can trust
by hpfanofdmhgfics
Summary: Hate is a four letter word and love is a four letter lie.
1. Prologue

**Prologue **

My seventh year at Hogwarts was not anything liked I had expected it to be. Well, some things were to be expected. Being made Head Girl for example. And, as much as I hated to admit it, I knew somewhere in the back of my mind, the part that represses anything unwanted, that Draco Malfoy would undoubtedly be Head Boy.

Although he sounded completely idiotic when his _father's _words left his mouth, he was very intelligent academically speaking. He truly was my intellectual rival.

So when he sauntered in the Heads compartment on the Hogwarts Express that fateful September day, I was needless to say not stunned.

Don't get me wrong. I certainly did not want to spend an _entire _year sharing a common room and a bathroom with him. Being is such close proximity with him made me uncomfortable.

As it stands, Draco Malfoy is even to me, extraordinarily beautiful for any normal human being. He truly does live up to name and reputation.

And, if that wasn't enough to just ruin my image of him, that fact that he changed sides was! About a month before school started back the Order got the most unexpected and unlikely visitor begging us to help him. He claimed that he never wanted to be a Death Eater, that his father had tortured him for years and that to save his life he obliged unwillingly.

No one really believed him. No one but Dumbledore that is…and his word is the one that counts. His sheer faith in people was astounding at times. It wasn't until he agreed to undergo questioning with the use of Verituserum that everyone began to believe him.

After that day, he was always at Grimauld Place, staying most nights. He was also always around it seemed, but he usually kept to himself. Harry and Ron were definitely not happy with Dumbledore's decision but did warm up to him after awhile. It was the scariest thing I had ever witnessed and believe me I had witnessed my fair share of unusual things.

If you didn't often find them arguing Quidditch or playing a game of wizard's chess they were usually doing some other random boyish activity. I wouldn't exactly call them friends but they were friendly. Still, I couldn't bring myself to fully trust him. Something about the way he would look at me sent my nerves over the edge. Harry and Ron told me I was being stupid, but something about him didn't unnerved me still. Not like he was bad, just way too different to actually be Malfoy.

That was the reason for my lack of enthusiasm at him being Head Boy and the two of us sharing living quarters. Everyone else thought it was a great way for us to finally start to bond since we didn't really speak much during the summer.

Little did I know that I was in for the ride of my life. Who knew talking would lead to falling in love?

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	2. Chapter 2

"Sweetheart, you cannot bullshit me. I have lied to myself enough to know when someone else is doing it. So, let's try this again, and how about we tell the truth this time." He whispered in my ear. I didn't really realize how close he was to me until that moment.

"I can't. I can't." I breathed out hoarsely. There was no way in hell I would actually admit to being in love with him. He would laugh, and I would die! "Because if I say these things, I can't ever take them back. And it'll change everything. And I can't do that. I just can't."

A throaty growl left him. "And.. Why the hell not?!" He demanded. Nostrils flaring in anger, he stepped back an inch to look me dead in the eyes. I had truly never been frightened of him before this moment.

It was crazy really. To be in love with Draco Malfoy and to have him return the sentiment. It was him after all that had initiated the whole ordeal to begin with, but I simply could not believe it. We had hated each other for so long, how in the hell could he possibly be in love with me?

I stated that fact once, but he refuted it just as quickly.

I was however, truly, deeply, irrevocably, in love with him. He had changed since the war. He joined our side in the months leading up to it and we had been on some sort of understanding that he wasn't a monster. We had an unspoken truce to get along and attempt to be 'friendly'. Even Harry and Ron were civil with him most of the time, but I still couldn't completely trust him. Not with my heart anyway.

"Draco…" I pleaded, looking at the floor not wanting to meet his gaze knowing what I would see. "I'm sorry, but I don't love you."

It was a lie. A bold faced lie. Of course I loved him, and I couldn't imagine a life without him. I was just too damn afraid to admit it, too afraid to give my heart completely to someone else. Afraid that if were to get broken that I could never go on.

His face was a stone. He looked at me and I could tell that I had finally broken him. After months of kissing and getting to know every detail about each other, I just refused his heart. The one thing he had never given to anyone and wanted so badly to give to me. I held it in my hands, and I just shattered it.

"Why…" he breathed out slowly, obviously trying to conceal the hurt in his voice. "Why are you doing this Hermione? I know that you love me, you can't just shut me out of your life now, not after everything that we've been through."

"I… You… You deserve the _right _kind of love Draco. The kind of love that makes you happy, the fantastic love that is in books and the movies. You and I both know we won't be together forever, and you will want to look back and never regret falling in love with me and you will if we keep this going longer than it should. That's the kind of love we all deserve…" I trailed off, letting the tears I had been trying desperately to hold in fall freely down my cheeks.

Why was I lying? Why couldn't I just be brave?

I finally looked at him, and instead of the hurt I expected I saw anger in his eyes.

"I get it," he barked out, "you moved on, and you just don't want me anymore. It was good until it wasn't anymore, right? Stop trying to protect my feelings and just say it Hermione! Tell me you just never loved me and all this was, was some sick twisted fling for you!" He was screaming now. Words I never thought I would hear coming out of Draco Malfoy's mouth.

"No, no Draco that's not it…" he cut me off.

"Stop lying. Stop fucking lying! Just admit that you could never be in love with someone like me. I'm just not good enough, don't sugar coat it with words you do not mean!"

"I do love you, Draco. I do. It's just that with us… we are too complicated. I just don't think that we would ever have the happy ending. I want to be your friend. I always want to be in your life, please…"

Shocked he looked at me. "It may have been in bits and pieces, but I gave you the best of me," he said softly, too softly. "now look at what has happened. But maybe its my fault. Maybe I made a huge mistake in thinking you could ever love me, or by going with you. And maybe I was wrong to fall for you. But whatever I did wrong, the biggest mistake I made was believing everything that you said. By trusting you, I ended up giving you a piece o me, and letting you see a part of me that not many people do. I wore my heart on my sleeve just daring you to take advantage of my love. And you did."

His words were heart breaking. How could I just let him think that. Say something Hermione! Damnit tell him you love him already stop being such a coward! My head screamed at me.

"Draco…"

"Don't. Don't talk to me, don't look at me. And no we can't be friends. This little game you have has got to end. You're right. You can't flirt with me like it's nothing anymore. Because you just broke my heart, my entire world is falling apart. Go your own way, and I'll go mine. I will get over you in time."


End file.
